Feeling Alive
At my core I am happiest planning an event. All shapes and sizes and kinds but all with the goal of creating a special moment no matter the type. I suppose it was natural that I would choose non-profit event planning as my gateway to my career and also not surprising that I am now paid to both dream up new ideas and execute huge projects. But in my personal life, event planning is an outlet to both distract myself from my own health issues and anxiety and is a way to create things to look forward too. I love nothing more than thinking about every detail of whatever next event awaits, executing those details and feeling the energy and magic when they happen.
For many years after my son was born I was forced to temper how involved I could become in something as I was struggling so much physically. My energy was directed at being a new mom to a child with rare diseases while also healing from my own all while working my full time job. I still found smaller ways for this outlet like birthday party planning and smaller holiday celebrations or family gatherings. And then just as I was healed enough to do more, Covid arrived and life paused. Events paused for that matter.
Two years ago as we began to try to find normalcy as pandemic life eased, and looking for a way to get involved in my son's school I volunteered to co-chair the school play. It's an intense two weeks of daily rehearsals, two casts and almost 200 children coming together to create a show. The planning happens all year but at an easy pace compared to the final non-stop two weeks. This was my second year doing it and leading up to the start of the rehearsals this year I was sick and physically unsure of how I was going to get through it. I also wondered if the added stress of the pending two weeks of craziness actually contributed to my getting sick and if something I usually loved doing was somehow harming me. Had I over committed myself?
The weekend before it all began I worked hard to not focus on the chaos that was about to begin but why I chose to do this - why this could even be healing. Having a more than full time job is exhausting and there is never a clear ending time to my day. But for the last two weeks I was forced out of my daily work stress and every night for 3 hours I was in a different world - a chaotic and often loud one but also one that was filled with excitement and music and laughter and an energy that can only be felt when a group of almost 100 kids creates something together. On night one of rehearsal, as the first group song was sung I felt so at peace. It was easy to stay present and let the rest of life's stress go when I fully embraced the energy and joy around me. I also cherished the time with our son as I watched him do something he also loves knowing in a couple of years I will miss these moments.
It is now the day after the performance and I am feeling more relaxed and centered than I have in months. I had for two weeks immersed myself in something that allowed me to draw upon my love of planning and to be a part of something bigger. And just like with any event, with all the details in place I got to watch the curtain open and the magic unfold. To see the children’s pride, feel their excitement and watch the audience cheer made all the effort worth it.
I do not however, take for granted what a gift it is that I am physically able to have taken this on. It is truly amazing thinking that a decade ago I could not have done this. So today I feel grateful for being able to do what I love, to plan and create, to build connections and to feel more alive and present than I have in long time.
